memories don’t expire
I fear that I might one day forget the feelings I felt today. Whether it be through videos, pictures, or words like these, I am quite constantly documenting my life in some shape or fashion for this reason. I am blessed beyond belief by simply existing each day, because without fail, something beautiful happens in my life - big, small, seemingly mundane maybe, but nevertheless incredible when I ponder on it for a moment or a few, and I don’t ever want to skip over these revelations. I want to have them permanently stored somewhere forever and always, never to disappear within the vast space that is my ever-altering brain.
a section of the berlin wall @ the newseum in dc (to which i wish to return in the future)
It’s not an unknown fact that everyone is growing, not only physically, but mentally as well, each day. That our brains are flooded with outrageous amounts of information and ideas and stimuli nearly every second, creating an abundance of material for us to process and store. It’s really wonderful that we can absorb so much in general, but the problem I have with this is that the brain is incapable of remembering such intricate details about days long passed when it also wants to remember minutiae from minutes ago. I want to remember the captivating sunset I saw on the drive home on that November night three years ago just as much as I hope to keep the sound of my best friend’s laughter from three minutes ago locked inside my head to be replayed whenever I wish to reminisce. I don’t want to lose my second concert in Austin from last December just as much I don’t want to surrender the memory of seeing my favorite band perform during spring break last Saturday.
seeing sports with katie in december
Every single memory is so special to me for countless separate reasons. I love being transported back to a unique time in my life through videos I recorded, pictures I captured, or words I wrote down.
My fear of forgetting these times can be alleviated by such efforts to do so, and that relieves me so much. I am so grateful for the technology we have created and continue to improve upon today, for it is an extension of myself in more ways than one. It captures the thoughts, the experiences, the surroundings of my present self and saves them for my future self to look back upon and relive. So many beautiful moments of mine are captured forever in some medium or another, holding pieces of me I will never have to forget for as long as they are available, which makes me happier than I will ever be able to express in words.
I think this is the root of my fear - that if I forget the beauty in the past I won’t believe in the beauty of the future, because the loss of that hope devastates destructively. I always want to be reminded of the beauty in my world and I never want to forget it. I find it so essential to keep sweet memories as close as possible, because they make hard times remarkably less difficult to handle. A moment that made you so joyful once before does not typically expire - it should be good forever. Stealing joy from the past when joy in the present is hard to come by is a skill which I find important and relatively easy to master. It gives a reminder of grand possibilities and a hope for more light and love and laughter in the future.