routine emotion

That is when she promptly turned her head towards him and whispered in the quietest of all whispers, “I will despise you forever,” and she is not one to lie about things of this sort. It’s as though she perceives it as a true threat, unfortunately, she is possibly the least intimidating human being in the universe, which, in turn, makes her threats seem as though they are coming from an actual child.

Her eyes could be anger and truth and innocence all at once. That made his slightly crooked smile shine through his slender lips. His grin set off a spark inside the girl that would make it impossible for her to carry out the previously discussed action (like she magically would have been able to live up to that statement).

This was the cycle that preserved their love.

Unfortunately, there was not a one hundred percent success rate.

The final time he smiled, the circuit was not completed, it was not the same. There was not even a trace of innocence in her eyes. The boy’s smile did not light a fire in her soul. The girl was intent on living up to her statement. It had seemed absurd before, now it felt like she had just spoken the truest words she had ever allowed to leave her mouth.

He ignored the fact that he had noticed the anger and the truth and the lack of innocence in her eyes. He knew it was over, but he refused to believe it. The information was pushed down deep into the innermost parts of himself, away from view in an effort to preserve his sanity rather than their love.

However, she welcomed his mistake like a soldier returning from war. She was expecting it, anticipating it. It was a relief; no more fighting about ridiculous things. This doesn’t mean she was exactly fond of this ending. She had prepared herself to let go a long time before the last circuit. Of course, it hurt her. She could never truly despise him. She loved that boy. Her heart was just as broken as his.

The difference was this; she was the queen of masking her true emotions. She was prepared, he was not as lucky. He didn’t see it coming, not at all. It was right around the corner and he was walking backwards with his eyes shut tight. He couldn’t hide his sadness. His blue eyes turned grayer every day that she was away from his reach. She would seem unphased by the entire ordeal to onlookers, she smiled just as much as any other time in her life, possibly more. The smiles were not genuine, because in all honesty, her heart was more broken than his. It was her fault. She blamed herself. And it was torture for her to know that she was the reason that they were no longer together.

Sure, it was his foolishness at the root of their predicament, but it was her discretion that made the final cycle the final cycle. She was also too strong to fall back into the cycle another time. She knew it would never stop. They would continue following the same steps, only to find themselves at the starting line again. She couldn’t take it anymore, and maybe that makes her weaker than him, not stronger.

But, there was no changing the fact that she became frustrated. There was no changing the fact that he just couldn’t change. There was no changing the fact that he couldn’t win her over with a tiny smirk in the end or that she couldn’t fight past the fact that her misery outweighed her happiness when it came to him. Still, neither of them would be able to deny that there would always be a place for the other in their heart.