possibilities
My mind wanders off often, exploring potential scenes of my future life, speculating upon what I will be doing, why I will be doing these things, who will be alongside me, and, predominantly, who I will be. Thinking about such giant things is captivatingly alluring as well as awfully and totally overwhelming. In reality, the possibilities for me are never ever ending, as they are so with you too.
This concept is one which is hard for me to comprehend, as a result of the sheer vastness of its scale. So many people exist in this world, and with each person comes their own set of infinite possibilities, yet we couldn’t have enough time or resources to see each one of these possibilities unfold; even if we wanted to take the time to sit back and review each prospect, we would have no way of doing so because of the fact that it is quite significantly infinite. If we did, somehow, have a more infinite amount of time to survey this infinite amount of possibilities, we would be exhausted my its genuine inexhaustibility.
A multitude of lives lie ahead of me. I could personally have the potential to be an author, a teacher, a local coffee shop owner, a mother, a wife, a bookstore curator, etcetera - a list that would get crazier and more seemingly ludicrous and so on until eternity, but these concepts would still be within the realms of reality, with focus in the appropriate areas and time and resources dedicated to achieving these realities.
I think, again, about the billions of people in the world, and how many I could have been great friends with if I had been in the right space in the right moment, if our lives had intertwined and we had that lucky chance to make that connection. This thought is the one that really frustrates me. The fact that I could have such a wonderful relationship with someone I will never meet seems unfair in the cruelest way. That I have lost memories I will never have and lost a love I will never find.
Additionally, I think about the monumental impact of my decisions, not just affecting my own life, but others as well. Simple shifts in decisions can cause significantly different outcomes - just as much as considerable changes in choice can. It makes my already indecisive nature even more inclined to dwell upon my future choices, big or small.
The same applies to the past, but these thoughts do no true good for me at all. I wonder what abilities sat inside me as an unknowing child, untested, undiscovered, and if I would have been more successful in some obscure area if I had only gotten the opportunity to bring that talent into the light. For instance, although my present self possesses little to no flexibility, the question lingers - if I had started to learn dance at the ripe age of three or four, could I have grown to be a graceful ballerina, in tune with her body and able to touch her toes and perform pirouettes upon pirouettes on an illuminated stage for countless enchanted eyes? Or, alternatively, if I had continued my acting classes and mustered up the courage to perform fearlessly, instead of resorting back to my timidity, would I have had a knack for it? Would I be pursuing an acting career right now rather than doing whatever it is I am doing right now?
They are entertaining thoughts. They don’t matter, though. That time has come and gone and I am who I became because I was meant to be this person from the beginning, & you were too. I didn’t become a talented dancer or an outgoing actress, instead I pursued journalism and choir in high school, both of which molded me into who I am presently. In the same way, you will become the person you are meant to be in the future because of the things you choose to do today. I will be the person I was supposed to be when it is all said and done. I will meet the people I am supposed to meet, visit the places I am meant to visit, see the things I am meant to see, and be the person I am meant to be. And truly, I am so ready to see who that person is.