i’ll be fine on my own

If we were to find a time machine and backtrack to last August, we would be able to see a version of me that was completely (and foolishly) convinced of my inability to survive independently. I thought such a change in scenery - being separated from my family and other familiar surroundings - would be something I’d not be able to handle. I’m not sure what sparked this thought or why it stuck with me, but ever since I realized, “Wow, I’m going to have to live alone and remember to do basic self-care tasks for myself, daily, without any assistance,” I was kind of living in a state of fear for that day when I would take the trek to Austin and move in to my new, significantly more independent life. That day inevitably came, and my brain raced with every single possible mistake I could make. My family left and it was real, and I was scared.

This fear was not backed up by anything except for silly misconceptions about myself - a failure to give myself the credit I deserved. I learned this more and more with each passing day, as I proved myself wrong and grew and grew and grew so much. I learned how to be more comfortable with myself, with doing things independently, and, most importantly, with being uncomfortable.

Leaving home meant leaving my comfort zone - leaving the people who made me feel most secure and leaving the place that made me feel most safe. Although it was frightening, it allowed for great growth and wonderful self-discovery. One of the biggest pieces of knowledge I’ve gained this year is learning the importance of being uncomfortable and being just a little bit scared at all times - doing scary things leads to overcoming irrational fears and becoming a better me in the long run. If I were to avoid leaving my comfort zone, I would be preventing myself from growing. Growth often occurs in those places that you’re afraid to go to.

For me, this includes areas in which I have to meet new people, places in which I have to do things I’ve never done before, where I can’t predict what will happen and can’t rely on past experiences to help me out. I have had to visit these places more in my time since last August than all of my time before that. I’ve sorta been forced into this with the whole “college” atmosphere, and this has been a blessing in disguise when considering that I definitely would not have willingly put myself into these situations on my own. I know I’m not alone in preferring comfortable situations over others, but I think I’ve come to terms with the fact that being too comfortable for too long means that I’m not making any real progress. It’s detrimental to my growth.

The truth is, things aren’t usually as scary as I make them out to be in my head. Meeting new people should be a fun thing - it leads to new stories and perspectives and friends and adventures, which are all good and necessary. Doing things I’ve never done before just adds to the list of things I have done, which adds to my experience and will ultimately make things less scary in the future. My fear of big, uncomfortable change could have easily kept me from trying. I truly didn’t think I would be fine on my own until I was fine on my own. And I think this is the case very often - I doubt myself until I prove myself wrong. I’m working on fixing this, on believing in myself and proving myself right instead of the opposite. I deserve that, and so do you.